Redmond, WA (Dissociated Press) – Faced with increasing competition from open-source products such as Linux™ and OpenOffice.org™, MicrxSxft™ announced today that it will make all parts of its Windxws™ operating system and Xffice™ office suite available as open-source products. New users may download the products for free, or obtain DVDs for the cost of media, shipping and handling.
Asked about stockholder reaction to predicted changes in profitability, company officials responded, “We plan to make it up in volume.”
In unrelated news, political blogger Steve Bates announced his return to the Democratic Party. “In my younger days, it was just so easy to select that straight-‘D’ ticket on the ballot,” said Bates. “Besides, the latest research on global climate change shows the gradual formation of tiny ice crystals around the Pacific Ring of Fire, presumed by many to be the entrance to Hell. Taken all in all, a return to the party faithful seemed like a wise idea.” Bates departed the interview humming “Old Time Religion” and dancing a jig while wearing his gigantic right boot.